Walking in the Fog (an Excerpt from Rejoicing in Lament by J. Todd Billings)

The following is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of Rejoicing in Lament: Wrestling with Incurable Cancer and Life in Christ (February 2015) by J. Todd Billings.


“Get well soon! Jesus loves you! God is bigger than cancer!”

My tears started to flow as I read these words. They were from a fifteen-year-old girl with Down syndrome in my congregation. Less than a week earlier, the doctor spoke the diagnosis to me, about which he had no doubt: a cancer of the bone marrow, multiple myeloma—an incurable cancer, a fatal disease.

I had been in a fog ever since. How was I to face each day when my future—which had seemed wide open—had suddenly narrowed? My “world” seemed to be caving in on itself with fog in each direction I turned, so that no light could shine in.

While I had received many cards in the previous days, this one was different. “God is bigger than cancer!” Yes. She did not say, “God will cure you of this cancer,” or “God will suffer with you.”

God is bigger than cancer. The fog is thick, but God is bigger.

My cancer story was already developing its own sense of drama. The sky was closing in, enveloping my whole world so that nothing else could creep in. But God’s story, the drama of God’s action in the world, was bigger.

The girl in my church wasn’t denying the fog or the loss but testifying to a God who was greater, the God made known in Jesus Christ, who shows us that “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it” (John 1:5).

In my tears, there was not only grief but also joy that in the body of Christ theological truths are not a commodity trafficked and controlled by professional theologians. God’s story in Christ is bigger than my cancer story, period.


©2015 by J. Todd Billings. Published by Brazos Press. Unauthorized use of this material without express written permission is strictly prohibited.